Forgiving Is Enabling

     Great multitudes of books and articles as well as sermons and lectures through the ages have been produced on the subject of forgiveness.

     However, the majority seem to have missed two major aspects.
          ~ To forgive is to allow a person to avoid taking responsibility for or to have any discomfort for an action.
          ~ To forgive allows the person "To get away with" unacceptable behavior."

     By absolving the act or occurrence, it removes the opportunity for the offender to have learned the needed life lessons.

     It is bad enough when a person dishonors you, but much worse is when you have so little respect for yourself that you allow yourself to be disrespected.

     Even if the offender says, "Please forgive me," this, "Kiss and make up" so-called solution is not the solution because it makes you an enabler.

     The word ~ enabler ~ was first in public awareness through Alcoholics Anonymous, referring to people who purchased alcoholic beverages for alcoholics.

     Those enablers thought that they were being nice, so too are the people who too quickly forgive someone who has said or done a mental or physical hurtful act or action.

     As soon as the offense occurs, if you are together, tell the offender, "Your remark is unkind (hurtful, disrespectful, uncalled for).

     An often good response, instead of an angry snap back comment is to quietly ask, "What was the purpose of your remark?"

     I was pleased with myself when I responded to an insulting remark by a so-called friend by saying "Your are really amazing, I know that you have had a great deal of practice to have truly mastered the art of the insulting, hurtful remark.  If prizes were given, you would certainly win First Prize."

     If possible, I leave or if said on the telephone, I say, "Your comment is disrespectful" and I immediately discontinue the call.

     When the offender says, "Oh, I didn't really mean it."

     A response could be, "You are too smart (or intelligent) to say something that you do not mean."

     If an offender says, "Forgive me," reply with, "Why should I forgive you?  What is the benefit of such an action?  What will you do to balance your action if I decide later to do so?"

     I personally, and many other people have followed my advice after an unkind or insulting remark, I leave, I do not stay with the remark maker.

     One disrespectful, teasing or hurtful remark could, after a time, be forgiven, however, if such behavior continues, have respect for yourself ~ move on ~ to meet new to you people, who can become new friends and new experiences. 

~ Think Through All Aspects Carefully,

Avoid Being An Enabler ~

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Greetings: I have based many of these monthly writings on quotes from family and friends.  What meaningful quotes have your family and/or friends said that you can share?  Email the quote(s) and a sentence or two concerning each, plus your name, town and state to joaneastben@mail.com

Copyright 2017

Fathers Often Said Words

     Sad it is that only one woman and two men of the many people who I asked to tell me some of their father's often said words, could not think of even one single word.

     Were their fathers mute men?  Did they never listen, really listen to what their fathers said?  Were their fathers unimportant in their lives?  Were all of those people so involved in their own life activities that they never made time to spend any with their fathers?

     Perhaps, their childhood and adulthood was not family oriented as was mine.  Surprising too are the people with a living father, who were reluctant to discuss the topic with that parent .

~ ~ ~

     "If you play hard than the other team,

you'll beat the other team." 

David Caffery, Executive Assistant, Berkeley Heights, New Jersey says that his father regularly told him and his teammates of the travelling baseball team that he coached this worthwhile advice.  If you really want to achieve a goal, you must work diligently to obtain it.  Too many people seem to expect their goals to just magically slide into their home plate, while they leisurely watch from the side lines.

~ ~ ~

     "Take a stand for something, or you will fall for anything." 

Bob, manager of a large store in New Jersey immediately recalled that this famous quote by Alexander Hamilton is a favorite of his father's.

     A worthy quote that has inspired many people through the years.

~ ~ ~

     Joan Nathanson of Hamilton, Ontario, Canada sent a mini-biography of her most interesting, multi-skilled father.  She wrote that, "My father's teaching career began in a one-room schoolhouse as soon as he was graduated from high school.  He attended university, graduating in Honors Science and the Ontario College of Education.  He began his secondary school teaching career and except for being seconded to teach radio to young soldiers during WW II, continued there to retirement.  He and two other tech teachers developed the first radio and electronics courses in Ontario, and he authored the first high school correspondence course on electronics."    

     "After seeing a photo of water skiing in Austria in a Toronto newspaper, he built a pair of plywood skis and took me out on a lake to try water skiing.  He also built a one-man helicopter that could be towed behind a boat. Students in his class built a TV when they were first coming into production. One year, they built an electronic organ, using reeds from old pump organs that had been donated to the project. He devised hand controls for a Morris Mini-Minor station wagon for a friend of mine who was a paraplegic so that she could be independently mobile."

     "Dad had a very positive view on life: 'I can do anything anyone else can do, only slower.'  That allowed him to try his hand at the things which interested him. It also excused him from worrying about what he couldn’t do."

     ~ ~ ~

     I have quoted my Father, Loren Eastman-Bennett, numerous times in my varied writing though the years as I will continue to do.  One quote not previously mentioned is ~ "Bravale dicto" ~ a phrase that my Father often used primarily when introducing or showing my sister, our Mother and me some aspect of nature.  These words were usually spoken in a quiet tone sometimes even in a whisper when we were quietly beckoned to a window to observe a nearby bird, to see a glorious sunset, to watch dramatic lightning flashes in a night sky, interspaced with dramatic growls of thunder.

     On a mid-summer's eve, my Father woke my sister and me then whispered the two words as he beckoned to us to follow him outside, there we found a gentle rain in which we all, in pajamas and mother in her nightgown, walked out into, enjoying the wet grass under our bare feet and watching how a single rain drop made its way across a leaf.

     So many wonderful memories associated with two words that my Father had learned in a college Latin class play in which he spoke those two words.

     Bravale dicto translates as ~ "Wonders to behold," which is what he introduced to my sister and me.

~ ~ ~

     If you are a father, what words or quotes will your child or children associate with you, or will you be a blank?

Make space in your life

for long talks with your Father

just two of you, nothing electric.

Share a sunset

while sitting side by side

in lawn chairs.

How Well Do You Really Know Your Father?

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Greetings: I have based many of these monthly writings on quotes from family and friends.  What meaningful quotes have your family and/or friends said that you can share?  Email the quote(s) and a sentence or two concerning each, plus your name, town and state to joaneastben@mail.com

Copyright 2016



Many Mothers Messages

     On a Mother's Day, a radio reporter took a microphone out to a city sidewalk to ask a question of pedestrians.  "What words did or does your mother say often?"

     One man's quick response was

"It is nice to be important,

and

Important to be nice."

     Just from those few words, an impression of a caring and loving mother comes to mind  with a knowing that this man's childhood was happy.

~ ~ ~

 

     In great contrast is the firefighter, whose reply to the question was "Don't beat up on your brothers."  He said that he was the oldest of seven boys and that they were always fighting.

 

     "What kind of childhood did you have?"  I asked him. 

     "Awful, my parents were always yelling at each other and us."

 

     How much better would his childhood and parent's life have been if the family motto had been that of the earlier quote.

 

     The word ~ don't ~ is not a teaching word unless it is followed by ~ do ~ words.  Phrases such as ~ "Be nice" ~ have no value unless a child has been taught what ~ nice ~ is and how to do.

~ ~ ~

 

     "When in Greece

                     do as the Greeks do."

 

     Nancy Morrisson, Livingston, New Jersey.

     A receptionist at Restoration Pro said that her mother wanted her to honor the traditions and customs of others.

 

     All American passports should have those words printed prominently on them to discourage the often disgraceful behavior and demands of too many Americans when visiting other countries.

~ ~ ~

 

     A friend responded to the question with silence.  I started to repeat the question, but she interrupted to say, "I heard the question, I was trying to think of something, my mother was a party person, she was always going to parties or giving parties.  She did say that a woman should always have a secret bank account from her husband."

~ ~ ~

 

     Jane Lyle Wise, Georgetown, Texas

     A retired nurse.  She said that when she wanted to do something other children were doing, her mother often did not allow her to do so saying, "I'm only responsible for you not the other children."

    

     A wise mother sets her own family values and maintains them.

~ ~ ~

 

     Lindsay Garza, Lenexa, Kansas

     A telephone caller.  "Mothers are never sick."

 

     That also indicates a loving, concerned mother.

~ ~ ~

 

     Coming first into my mind about the most often used words of my own mother are:

"I love you, honey" and "I am so proud of you."

 

     These two sentences are powerful life energizers for anyone of any age, especially a child.

~ ~ ~

 

     If you are a mother do in-depth thinking about what words your children will automatically associate with you.

 

Mothers Are Wonderful

What Would We Have Done Without Them

Often Tell Your Mother You Love Her 



 

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Greetings: I have based many of these monthly writings on quotes from family and friends.  What meaningful quotes have your family and/or friends said that you can share?  Email the quote(s) and a sentence or two concerning each, plus your name, town and state to Joaneastben@mail.com

 

Copyright 2016

Never In Thought Or Speech Will 'You' Claim...

     When writing a long running magazine series on the power of words, I converted the age old saying of ~ "Be careful what you wish for, because you might get it" into ~

Never

In Thought or Speech

Will I

Claim or Personalize

A Situation or A Condition or A Disease

That I Do Not Want

For Myself

or

For Others

     This means that under no circumstances should you (or I) ever put the words ~ I have ~ in front of any 'unwanteds'.  If you discover yourself thinking or saying an 'unwanted,' firmly say, ~ 'Delete, delete, at no time will I claim that which I do not want.

     Often thought thoughts and spoken words/phrase become affirmation and affirmation become reality.

     A great multitude of people found that Affirmation to be exceedingly helpful and made copies of it to put in their car and at various places in their living and work places.

     There is a another version of that original Affirmation, you choose which one suits you best or alternate them ~

Always

In Thought & In Speech

I Will

Claim & Personalize

The Very Best and Perfect Outcome

To A Situation, A Condition, Or A Disease

That I Need or Want

For Myself

or

For Others

~ All Is Well and Good In My Life ~

Greetings: I have based many of these monthly writings on quotes from family and friends.  What meaningful quotes have your family and/or friends said that you can share?  Email the quote(s) and a sentence or two concerning each, plus your name, town and state to Joaneastben@mail.com

Copyright 2016

Hello 2016, Now That You Are Older....

     Two, going on three months old and more 'with it,' as could be said, having finally recovered from the trauma caused by all those people worldwide who made such a racket when you first arrived with their yelling, using all manner of things to make even louder noise, fireworks, firing cannons, church bells ringing and in the south of this country, when the clock strikes midnight, everyone rushes outside with kitchen pots and lids to bang together as they run as fast as they can around the house twice.

     I am certain that even by the beginning of February, that you had realized how incredibly.....well......crazy many people often are.

     In the Great Instruction Book that has been passed from one Year to the next since recorded time began, it states that when humans repeatedly say a phrase or a sentence, it means that they really need or want whatever, and that the Year needs to contact the proper forces to make it possible.

     The tornadoes and the hurricanes that propel people and solid objects despite what weathermen may say are really the result of the increasing use of the dreadful phrase ~ (2016, Know that in no way am I saying these words, I am quoting) "I can't wrap my head around it."  Yuk!  'Grisly and dreadful,' you say 2016, and is it not strange that the speakers do not know the terrible results of repeatedly saying such a phrase.  Repetition of words and sentences create affirmations which become reality.

     "Is there a meaning beside their wish to have their heads become boneless thus flexible enough to go on several sides of a solid object?"

     "Good question, 2016, you are smart for your young age.  They might mean what was previously spoken as ~ "It is difficult to understand."

     2016, have you heard any strange phrases yet, besides the ones from politicians?

     The can?  Yes, that is another strange one ~ "Kick the can down the road."  The basic question should be....Why?  A child might do it just to make an annoying sound but an adult, why would anyone want to admit to such immature behavior?

     2016, I know that you are as baffled as I am about the can kicking ~...........yes, those are good questions, 'Where is the can kept when it is not being kicked?  'Is everyone kicking the same can?  If so, how does it get from wherever ~ down is, up to the next person?'

     'That is smart thinking 2016, your lessons in logical thinking that I sent to you from my father are advancing nicely.

     'While it is obvious that down means below where you or it is, there is another meaning relating to streets ~ the building and house numbers.  The lowest numbers start at the center of town generally, and get higher the further away they are.

     Confusing to many people in their twenties, is when the word ~ down ~ means the south, be it city or country.  Anyone older knows that the word down ~ relates to those wonderful and fascinating folded paper things (usually) called ~ Maps ~.  Generally any area below the half way horizontally is considered ~ South ~.  In this country, ~ Down South ~ is lower than just south.

     So you see, 2016, "Kicking a can down the road' can have a number of meaning.

     "Is there anything in the can?"

     Good question, 2016, I wonder for the first time if the can kicker was trying to mix the can's contents, I use to mix paint by letting the cans roll down my steep driveway.

     So 2016, disregard statements such as those two and be aware of others like them so you do not waste your time.

     Many people and I, 2016, ask that you go more slowly, you are going by much too fast.

~ Relax, enjoy where you are ~

Joan Eastman-Bennett

For Jose:  See I remembered

Joaneastben@mail.com

Steal So No One Will Ever Know

     Was it love at first sight when you saw the charming oil painting of a young child's look of wonder and delight when a beautiful orange butterfly alighted on a nearby yellow rose, and you knew that you just had to have that painting?  No need to request James Bond to do a daring, midnight heist via a long rope through a skylight.

     Nor do you need to develop accuracy with a slingshot in order to decommission the streetlight near the jewelry store window and sharpen your glass cutter in order to take the stunning, ruby and diamond necklace beautifully displayed on royal blue velvet ~ even though you really want it.

     I have devised an excellent way to steal items without anyone ever knowing; as I have been doing for many years and have taught others how to also do.

     No tools are needed to ~ mentally ~ take the 'I LOVE IT' item home with me.

     A major addition to my collection occurred when I visited my cousin, Vievia in a town near Boston and she took me to a special collection of Tiffany Silver at the famous Museum of Fine Arts.  On the drive there, I explained how I steal from museums, art galleries, stores and more recently from fine specialty mail order catalogs, Vievia loved the idea and was eager to start her own collection that day.

     The guard began to eye us with concern when Vievia and I discussed which one of the many silver objects handsomely displayed on pink linen we were each considering taking home.  Concerned, until I explained to him and several of the other exhibition viewers, my 'Steal It Home' collecting.

     Among the many advantages of this project is that many people can have the same piece.  My listeners, including the guard, were entranced and went back to look at everything again.  Several people and Vievia agreed with my choices and, also, took with them, a silver tea caddy with enameled Chrysanthemums on it and its top as well as the silver water pitcher with the tall enameled cattails on it.  No more than one piece is generally allowed from each museum or gallery, but an exception was made this time to allow for two items.  If another 'I Love It' piece is wanted, then one would need to be relinquished.

     Carry in a purse or pocket, a pen and a small notebook to record the where and what, size and pertinent facts of each of your items as well as a sketch of it. 

     As my collection increased, I soon realized that a large Display Room was needed.  Considering my house's layout, the best place for the Display Room was off of the left side adjacent to the Dining Room.

     Although there is a close neighbor house, it took just a moment of mental activity to push it and its property further to the left, so that the length of half a football field was created thus allowing ample space for the currently planned display area as well as future expansions.

     The land on which my house rests slopes towards the back, thus allowing the new room to have its front partly into the hill, while at the back, there can be a full height lower level that can open out to a terrace and garden where garden sculptures could be displayed.

     What fun and joy to imagine all this and to think of variations.

     That lower level can contain a charming small apartment for the person who will curate the collection, maintain the dust-free equipment and see to the proper installation as I have designed for each new 'I Love It' item. 

     The Dining Room was made larger and the majority of the left wall replaced with floor to ceiling glass so that the Display Room and its treasures can be easily seen by me and a person with good visualization skills.

     Often at night, sometimes while I am in pain, I mentally wander through my Treasure Room to look and again enjoy the Tiffany Silver pieces, the three large Chinese Kites hanging from the rafters at the far end of the room, some pieces by a renowned fabric artist, a large watercolor painting by a client of Queen Anne's Lace, a favorite wild flower and so many other treasured pieces and memories; it is most gratifying and calming.

     Apartment dwellers, fear not, for you too can have a Display Room for your 'Steal It Home' treasures.  Just mentally push or slide over the neighboring apartment that is adjacent to your living room's side wall.  Then visualize a handsome wide, arched doorway with double doors that open into the new room.  If there is furniture along that wall where the doors are, the furniture can be screwed to the doors, so when they are opened, that furniture will move into the next room.

     You can expand your visions by using an architectural program on your computer to create plan and elevation drawings of your Display Room, as seen from the outside, the view from inside the house looking into your Treasure Room and various vistas within that room.

~ Enjoy Stealing So You Can Have A Treasure Room
To Enjoy Forever~

Joan Eastman-Bennett



Goodbye 2015, You Are Leaving Too Soon

     Yesterday was February, now is December, what happened to all those months, days and hours between then and now?

     I know that it is traditional to leave after 12 months, but I would certainly be appreciative if you departed from tradition to insert, at least, another week into the end of December or, perhaps add a new little month.  If Julius Caesar can add two full months in the middle of the summer ~ July for himself and for his son, Augustus, August ~ then why can I not add a skinny little one at the bottom end of the year?

     The calendar, before Julius, is seen in some of the month names ~ September ~ Sept means 7, October ~ Oct means 8, an octopus has eight tentacles.  November ~ 9, as Novena, a form of worship lasting nine days.  December ~ 10 as in decimal.

      The new little month could be named December Jr. or 
Dec-Jan.  Better yet would be a distinctive name all its own.  After serious thought, I wonder about the name ~ Gratitude ~ but later thinking, it seems that the logical solution is a layered system.  Continue December seven more days, 32nd, 33rd, 34th, 35th, 36th 37th and 38th.

     The new year is always depicted as a baby, so it probably would not even notice if a week was taken from it.

     With the layered system, while people are doing all the projects they had wanted to complete before year's end, Baby New Year could have been quietly born and have a week of quiet, thus being better prepared for all the whoop-de-do and noise people make when they know of its arrival, as was done when you, 2015, first arrived.  Have you ever wondered why people do this for, or perhaps, a better word would be ~ to ~ all Baby New Years, but never make all that racket when their own babies are born, they want quietness to prevail.

     Dear 2015, I have so very many 'manys' for which to thank you as I quietly do purposely alone each year for all the years.  Top among them is that I have lived another year.  As you know, I have been affirming for many years to live to 100 years and be in excellent health, both mentally and physically, however, recently, I have raised that age to 125 years as there are so many books to finish and inventions for which to do prototypes and ~ ~ ~

     2015, while you may not be physically here, so to speak, I will not forget you.

     Before you depart, please leave a message for Baby New Year to get as soon as understanding is possible.

     Greetings, Baby New Year, there are some 'things' that 2015 gave to me and alas millions of people that were more than enough, so you do not need to give anymore unwanted, unpleasant, painful, life threatening challenges. 

     Therefore 2016, you can just concentrate on providing pleasant, prosperous and interesting challenges ~ ~ ~ And happy, healthy experiences, heavily sprinkled over with love.  For all this and more 2016

~ We All Thank You In Advance ~