However, the majority seem to have missed two major aspects.
~ To forgive is to allow a person to avoid taking responsibility for or to have any discomfort for an action.
~ To forgive allows the person "To get away with" unacceptable behavior."
By absolving the act or occurrence, it removes the opportunity for the offender to have learned the needed life lessons.
It is bad enough when a person dishonors you, but much worse is when you have so little respect for yourself that you allow yourself to be disrespected.
Even if the offender says, "Please forgive me," this, "Kiss and make up" so-called solution is not the solution because it makes you an enabler.
The word ~ enabler ~ was first in public awareness through Alcoholics Anonymous, referring to people who purchased alcoholic beverages for alcoholics.
Those enablers thought that they were being nice, so too are the people who too quickly forgive someone who has said or done a mental or physical hurtful act or action.
As soon as the offense occurs, if you are together, tell the offender, "Your remark is unkind (hurtful, disrespectful, uncalled for).
An often good response, instead of an angry snap back comment is to quietly ask, "What was the purpose of your remark?"
I was pleased with myself when I responded to an insulting remark by a so-called friend by saying "Your are really amazing, I know that you have had a great deal of practice to have truly mastered the art of the insulting, hurtful remark. If prizes were given, you would certainly win First Prize."
If possible, I leave or if said on the telephone, I say, "Your comment is disrespectful" and I immediately discontinue the call.
When the offender says, "Oh, I didn't really mean it."
A response could be, "You are too smart (or intelligent) to say something that you do not mean."
If an offender says, "Forgive me," reply with, "Why should I forgive you? What is the benefit of such an action? What will you do to balance your action if I decide later to do so?"
I personally, and many other people have followed my advice after an unkind or insulting remark, I leave, I do not stay with the remark maker.
One disrespectful, teasing or hurtful remark could, after a time, be forgiven, however, if such behavior continues, have respect for yourself ~ move on ~ to meet new to you people, who can become new friends and new experiences.
~ Think Through All Aspects Carefully,
Avoid Being An Enabler ~
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Greetings: I have based many of these monthly writings on quotes from family and friends. What meaningful quotes have your family and/or friends said that you can share? Email the quote(s) and a sentence or two concerning each, plus your name, town and state to joaneastben@mail.com
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